The Class Descriptions You Won't Find in the Course Catalog

Dear blog,

I know what it feels like to be ignored and I offer my sincere apologies for not posting in quite some time.

It has been a bit busy since the start of the school year. I am taking six courses that I wish to detail below.

Financial Accounting – In the years leading up to 2001, Kenneth Lay became a multi-millionaire because of his ability to “cook the books” when it came to accounting. It is my hope that with enough training, I can become as skilled as this American hero.

Economics - John Maynard Keynes, the father of modern economics, once said “in the long run, we’re all dead.” Perhaps this class will teach me what the long run is; in which case, I will do my best to avoid it.

 

Marketing – Someday I would love to invent something. Knowing that whatever I invent will likely suck ass, I will need to know how to market it so that people will think they want to buy it. For those of you keeping up with current events, this is very similar to what the teaparty is doing at the moment.

 

Data Models and Decision Making (DMD) – Without a doubt this is the most analytically difficult class I am taking. The goal is to learn how to use data to make the best decision possible. This knowledge comes in handy when you are determining whether or not you should cheat on your significant other. If you can quantify the pleasure you will get out of being with your mistress or male equivalent (a gigolo?) vs. the pleasure you get out of being with your SO and you know the probability of being caught as well as the quantified repercussion if you are caught, this class will teach one how to determine whether or not it is in your best interest to cheat on your SO. Perhaps I will do this mathematical analysis for my next blog post.

 

Organizational Processes (OP) – No matter where you work, you will encounter assholes. OP teaches you why these people act like assholes in the organization and attempts to excuse their actions. I don’t pay much attention in this class.

 

Communications – apparently at some point some behavioral scientist did a study to find what people were most afraid of. The overwhelming conclusion of the study was that people’s greatest fear is the fear of public speaking. Death was a distant second. I am far more afraid of death than I am of public speaking and therefore will continue to put more effort into economics.

 

For those of you thinking you want to get an MBA from MIT, be sure that you take the course descriptions above to heart. All first year MBA’s are required to take these six courses (with the exception of marketing but now we are just getting into ancillary details). Please check back soon for the decision tree related to whether or not you should cheat on your SO.

 

Until next time, GO POKES – BEAT A&M

Credit Card "Skimming" - Did you lose $1000 today?

Last night, while at a bar with some friends, I received an e-mail from Bank of America. The e-mail alerted me that there was “unusual activity” on my account and my debit card would be inactive until I got in touch with them to square everything away. I called only to find out that there were two charges for $485.39 in Montreal. Needless to say, I was in Cambridge at the time.

After confirming that the charges were fraudulent and going through a list of recent transactions with the customer service agent on the phone, I was transferred to the claims department where I would be able to make a claim to recoup my money. The automated message I was sent to asked for my bank acct number which I did not know. I tried using my debit card number and that got me nowhere. SSN, same result. I gave up and decided it would simply have to wait until I got home and had access to my account information. That left me some time to try to figure out how someone may have used my debit card in Montreal while I had my debit card with me in Cambridge.

I took a trip to Montreal about a month ago where I had a fantastic time. From delicious food to great company, I would have to say it was one of the best weekends of my summer. While in the city, I needed a way of getting some Canadian currency. Early on my second day in the city, I decided to go to an ATM to withdraw some Canadian cash…I believe this is where the issue occurred. I went to an ATM inside of what appeared to be the local equivalent of a gift shop. After swiping my card and entering my PIN, the machine told me the transaction was invalid. My initial thought was that my card had been suspended since I had used it a few times the day before for dinner and the sort. We traveled along and ran across a restaurant that had an ATM right inside the door. The friend I was with told me to try that one; which I did. This time it worked. I had decided that the first ATM must have been through another bank or something of that sort and declined my transaction arbitrarily. After speaking with the fraud investigator on the phone, I believe there was something far more sinister going on.

It is called “skimming.” A device is placed inside an ATM card reader and when you pass your card through, the information is collected off of the magnetic strip and stored locally or sent to an awaiting computer. The “skimmer” is apparently used in conjunction with a small camera that records your PIN as you enter it on the keypad. This information is then used to make an actual card with the same information as the one I possess; the con artist can then go to an ATM armed with a duplicate of my card and my PIN to make a bit of cash. This is how my debit card was used in Montreal while I was in Cambridge.

Moral of the story: don’t use the ATM in the gift shop on that one street in Montreal. If you do, there may be a couple of $485.39 charges about a month later.

The adventure starts at Anna's

***This story is from the August 6, 2011. It is being posted now because I just set up the blog***

I decided to try the breakfast at Anna’s Taqueria at MIT today. In hindsight, I would say it was a fantastic choice for a breakfast burrito and I will certainly return. That is not however what I will write about. What was more interesting than the burrito itself was my experience when I entered the restaurant.

Anna’s is set up much like Chipotle or Subway where the customer stands over a glass window peering at all of the potential ingredients they may want in their burrito (much like a caged bear probably feels looking at the spectators visiting the zoo – “I wonder how that skinny brunette would taste when mixed with that fat guy?”) In any case, I entered the restaurant where there was one customer already at the counter. This customer, whom I later found out is named Jon, had just purchased a coffee at the local coffee shop inside the same building. Not but two steps into Anna’s I saw the coffee slip out of Jon’s hand onto his foot and subsequently all over the floor. Jon muttered “damn!” as he bent over to pick up the empty cup. He moved with a paralyzed look on one side of his body (what I initially attributed to cerebral palsy). I hurried over to Jon to give him a hand picking up the cup; when I got to him it was apparent that there was more than just a genetic disorder that has plagued Jon his entire life.

Jon fell to his butt as he bent down to pick up the cup. I asked Jon if everything was okay still under the assumption that he was simply physically disabled in some way. I then offered to help him up. It became immediately evident that him standing up was not going to occur with ease nor was it the medically advisable thing to do. Jon quickly slipped into what was evidently a seizure; his body convulsing, his head slamming the floor violently twice before I could get my backpack off and under his head to limit any further injury. Throughout this time the workers behind the counter were staring in utter confusion and perhaps shock. I then told them to call 911 as a manager who had just walked in was already picking up the phone. Throughout this time, Jon continued to convulse and stare rather blankly at the ceiling.

After getting of the phone, the manager came over to assist the best he could (we now improved from having one clueless Samaritan helping to two). Jon’s convulsion had slowed and become less violent as he began to hack and cough violently as if he had to vomit. As it was apparent that there was slightly more cognitive thought occurring I proceeded to ask Jon if he had any medical problems to which he responded, “I’m fine.” (So I said cool and ordered my burrito)… The manager (Brian as I later learned) told Jon that help was on the way. Jon then began to try to stand up as Brian and I encouraged him to stay seated in the burning hot mess of coffee that he was sitting in. He complied; or rather, his limbs would not cooperate with him in his attempt to stand so gravity took him back to the hot coffee.

On his next attempt, Jon was successful in getting to his feet where Brian and I quickly supported one side each as we called for one of the other workers to bring a chair so that we could have Jon sit down. Dazed and a bit confused, Jon agreed to sit down with a bit of physical force. I soon asked Jon his name (which I still did not know) and he was able to give a mumbled response to which I asked for clarification and received a reasonably clear answer. We continued to have an extremely elementary conversation as I attempted to elicit a response as to whether or not he had ever had a seizure in the past (why was it important that I know this, I don’t know. It seemed like a reasonable question to ask). He said he had not. After a few more attempts by Jon to get up and walk, all resisted by Brian and I, the paramedics arrived.

I then left and proceeded to the restroom where I attempted to clean the caramel flavored coffee off of my arms and legs. I returned to Anna’s to complete my initial goal of purchasing a breakfast burrito. The paramedics continued to treat Jon as Brian informed the employee at the cash register that my meal was on the house. I took my free burrito and drink and enjoyed them in the student’s common area inside the same building.

Jon eventually left and walked home under his own power. Come to find out that Jon is diabetic and suffered a diabetic seizure. For my incompetent assistance I received my meal for the morning, three free burrito passes and a backpack that smells of vanilla/caramel coffee. I am sure that Jon will be fine and I am sure I will be back to Anna’s (at least three more times in the next two years).

And So It Begins

Cowboy in Cambridge: a kind soul from the great state of Oklahoma has been uprooted from what he knows to be “normal” and has been thrown into a city they call “Cambridge” The transition looks to be only temporary as one cowboy looks to conquer the halls of MIT.

To be clear, “Cowboy” refers more to an allegiance to Oklahoma State University and less to the boots and buckle I intend to sport around this northeastern city. With that said, the attire that one would consider “normal” in the great state of Oklahoma seems to be quite foreign to those in this city. While they seem to know of cowboy boots, they do not seem to know of people wearing them… while they seem to understand belt buckles, they spend an inordinate amount of time staring at my crotch, which tends to make me slightly uncomfortable.

The next two years will be a learning experience and I hope that you will come along for the ride.